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about

written about a person i had a couple of classes with, whenever they got nervous they would fidget with this pocket sized deck of cards. then they stopped showing up to school. my mind immediately worries that they had taken their own life and so i got really sad and worked on this song for days. i later heard they had just moved to the bay, but still had this written anyway. note the ostentatious production and digital drums. i thought it was excellent at the time but now it kinda makes me cringe.

lyrics

you try your best to cope with the way you're built
with pipes and pills
you have no favorite color, no favorite film,
no heat in your kiln.

and i'm trying harder not to call you out.
you were such a martyr, but forgot what you fought about.

your parents, they say you've got it wrong.
your boyfriend, he's been there all along.
and i know that you can't hide your scars,
but you can't get by just shuffling your cards.

you panic in the classroom, burst out the door,
fall to the floor.
you don't want anybody watching as you fight your core,
keep your feelings stored away.

and you're trying harder to find your place here.
you were such a martyr til you found a way to disappear.

you ended in the courtyard, water in your lungs
and nothing but a deck of cards and words still on your tongue.

credits

from Mommy Issues / Daddy's House, released April 2, 2017

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Matt Sturgis Ontario, California

a musical being doing musical things

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